I used to dread failure. In my mind failure was like a little death. When I failed at a project or with a client, for me that experience became a black hole and gave me a sense of shame. I could not understand self-help articles that encouraged one to embrace failure, to accept it as a potentially positive learning experience.
Recently, I co-facilitated a five-session workshop on an intense issue, White Privilege. One of the participants, who, it turned out, gave workshops on diversity, told me at the end of the first session that if we continued to conduct the workshop in the same way we would fail. We would not help the participants understand the meaning and impact of the subject, White Privilege. I felt threatened and angry. Who wants to hear that you are failing, even if you are comfortable with the concept? But, I respected her directness and honesty. So I listened to her and her suggestions made sense. Although this blog is not about that workshop, I will report that the series achieved its purpose.
Later on, when I reflected on this experience, I saw myself shift my thinking on the experience of failure. I think that the combination of my desire to succeed and my willingness to listen to my critic built the bridge to my new understanding. I could now see that failure is a passing phase, not a static state. In other words, there is a dynamic to the process of failure. Also, failure is often about being in too small a box. All the aspects and potential of a situation have not been included in one’s first calculations.
I checked what some others have written about the topic. And what I found now makes a lot more sense to me. Dyan Williams at www.lifehacker.com put it most succinctly. According to him the traditional definition of failure is,
- “Lack of success, failing
- Unsuccessful person or thing
- ”
Sounds a lot like a more scholarly, unpacked version of my black hole, my sense of static deadness. Something to be avoided at all costs! He then suggests this redefinition,
- “The starting line
- Part of the process
- On the path to success.”
And, again, this sounds a lot like an unpacked expression of my dynamic experience of a growing change process.
This change of perspective emboldens me. I now realize three things.
- I frequently fail a little and some of the time a lot.
- This process of failing is part of striving and trying to do one’s best.
- Accepting failure as part of a process makes me more bold and ready to go for my dreams.