Because of my curiosity about how someone changes his or her mind about emotional and personally important issues, I conducted research with people who initially opposed civil unions and accepted same-gender marriage nine years later. There were a number of factors that coalesced to cause their change of position but one of the most intriguing I call the “change-your-mind” template.
Most of the nine subjects in my study had an experience of changing his or her mind about a significant emotional issue earlier in life, especially as children or teens. For example, one participant described changing his mind when he was about twelve years old. At first he was angry and frustrated with his younger sister. He was certain that she was only a brat, a pest. His task as her older brother was to supervise her chores on the family farm. He felt constantly irritated and complained to his mother about her dawdling and failing to finish. Because of his mother’s suggestions he realized that his sister actually wanted his (positive) attention. Their relationship transformed. In a more serious example, another participant described a significant shift in her outlook on life while in her twenties. After the death of her mother and a period of depression she had the sudden realization that she could be all right and loved. Her attitude changed at that moment from depressed and reserved to outgoing and happy.
I propose that an internal probably unconscious or sub-conscious process evolves. A new situation confronts you. It causes you discomfort, confusion, perhaps anger. You feel pressure to accept this new phenomenon, but you resist. Over time, listening to others, gradually you are more and more accepting until you realize that this new situation is okay, it no longer feels like a threat to you. Subconsciously at first you resist and resent the pressure to change. But you respect and hear the voices urging you to change. At some point, your nascent template of “change-your-mind” switches on. You evaluate the issue with new eyes because you know, subconsciously, that you have changed perspectives before. It now becomes easier to see another point of view. Before too long, you realize that you are okay with a new outlook. This supposition is only that. More research is needed to confirm or dismiss.
But what if one does not have an early experience of changing one’s mind? Is that possible? Does it have to happen during childhood, adolescence, or young adulthood, or at least before one is “set” in one’s ways? I think of zealots with extreme points of view or ideologies. Perhaps they are literally unable to open up to other perspectives. Perhaps this is due not only to personality or character traits, but also to a lack of the “change-your-mind” template.