The other day it occurred to me that I am no longer nervous or uncomfortable when I meet or work with other people whom I consider successful or to a degree famous, at least to me. People who for me, have ‘gravitas.’ Now, I actually look forward to the prospect of engaging with everyone. The experience will be a learning adventure. The world has leveled out.
I reflect here on how this change happened. First, I realize that it did not happen quickly but gradually. Along with realizing that my perspective changed gradually, achieving my graduate degree helped. I know I am capable of a difficult accomplishment. And leadership training helped, too. I understand better what being a leader means, and my own version of leadership. Also, I have now held several positions of leadership and have even noticed when others experienced me with similar discomfort that I once felt for others!
But now I want to back up. The education, training, and experience all helped. It chipped away at my trepidation. I also need to explain where I started from. And that was as an angrily timid woman. What does ‘angrily timid’ mean? Sounds contradictory and it felt that way, too. Let me give an illustration of what I mean. When I began to seriously make art again, I felt insecure and unsure of my talents, especially when I was with other artists. But when I was alone, working on my paintings, I felt defiant. I wanted to ‘show the world’ that I had a valuable vision and skills to offer. And, I thought, maybe I am even a better artist than (fill in the blank)! Neither stance was helpful or healthy for me. But I was stuck there. I had difficulty discerning what was real, or what I could benefit from learning, and what skills I did have. It was hard for me to reach out and ask for assistance. It was hard to dare to take necessary steps to become known to others. I was caught up in comparing and judging and being less than or more than…
How did I climb out of that awkward and uncomfortable place? As I noted already, training and experience helped. But something else had to shift. And that something was inside me. The externals were helpful, but the internal shift was crucial.
I believe that many women have had to make the same journey that I have, that angrily timid place where I doubt or rage that I am ‘good enough’. Or that someone else is ‘better’, or that there is a hierarchy of value, success, or fame and I will be judged and fixed somewhere on a ladder. For me, I believe that gradually daring to learn, daring to step out, daring to speak up, and above all reflecting on those experiences, finally added up to my change of perspective. And when I emerged from that hole of less than/more than, I realized that I have value, and so does another, I have talent and so does another! I can learn from you, and I can teach, too.
I offer a foundation principle from the coaching program I am currently enrolled in that expresses how I now feel about meeting and being others, whether the subject is art, or coaching, or anything else, “each person we meet is our teacher and our student.” Reach out and enjoy the life that comes your way.