Initially I planned to write about the meaning of sacrifice and the need for all of us to make sacrifices now for the good of everyone in our society. But I kept running into my own judgements on why I believe this is so and what to do about it. And I became uncomfortable with the subtle and not so subtle finger-pointing that my perspective seemed to require. The whole approach began to feel wrong to me. Who needs more lecturing or moralizing right now! No one.
So, I am taking a different tack to wrestle with the same problem. That problem is the general sense of chaos and division in our country now. What to do about it? In short, we need to find a way to enact positive collective action. There is evidence of this in some discrete areas of our culture now. I think of the general outpouring of support for Black Lives Matter from many sectors of our society. But there is still much division about that effort. And so much division in the political scene, and even on how to manage a pandemic to note only two other areas. We appear to be a hot mess.
In our past, this country met huge challenges which, at the time, did not seem to have a clear or positive outcome. For example, how did people think we would we survive the Great Depression? How long would it continue? The outcome and timeline were in doubt. Or, how would the Second World War end and when? That outcome was not a foregone conclusion. Today, it is easy to feel that the results were inevitable since we have the luxury of looking at them as settled ‘history.’
How do we reach positive collective action? Here are a couple of ideas and suggestions.
- Meet people where they are.
We have all heard that phrase. To do so is much harder than it sounds. It requires setting aside one’s desire to argue or convince and instead, to listen with respect and humility without judgement. The underlying principle is that freedom of choice is a right that belongs to everyone. No one can or should take that away from anyone. It is astonishing what feeling heard can do for any relationship, whether someone agrees with what you are saying or not. Simply feeling heard can have a softening effect. Feeling heard can open someone to listening to others.
Cruising the internet, I googled “learning to get along with others,” here’s the first hit that came up.
- Listen with the intent to understand.
- Walk in their shoes.
- Be polite.
- Always take the opportunity to say a kind and encouraging word to or about somebody.
- Show interest in others.
- Keep an open mind.
- Listen intently.
- Be positive.
Many of those are encapsulated in “meet someone where they are.” Condensing all the suggested actions, here are the four that I think cover all the bases. All of these require someone to be humble, open, and patient.
- Be a good listener
- Validate people’s feelings
- Don’t try to change people
- Keep your sense of humor!
Finally, how to tackle the political divisions. Check out Braver Angels, an organization set up to accomplish that problem. They have three principles that they employ when engaging with others with different points of view.
- “As individuals, understand the other’s point of view, even if you don’t agree with it
- In community, engage those we disagree with, looking for common ground and ways to work together
- In politics, support principles that bring us together rather than divide us”
I hope this is helpful!