Learning is part of being alive. Sometimes it feels exhilarating, like learning how to ski or rock climb. Sometimes it’s rewarding, like learning another language. Sometimes its uncomfortable. Take for example, how to manage the feeling of taking something too personally. This probably happens to everyone once in a while. When I experience this, I realize that it means I have something to learn, about me.
This experience happened to me recently. My emotions erupt instantly and take over. I realize that I can work through this feeling thoughtfully, if I choose. Then, there is an ensuing struggle between the emotions, hurt, some anger, fear, and considering the situation rationally. For a while, I’m on a tightrope teetering between the two, emotion and thought. I imagine that I’m not alone in this. And here the possibility of learning comes in. What would I benefit from learning about my triggers, mindset, beliefs?
There is a lot of information on this phenomenon – taking things too personally. Sifting through what I discovered at multiple sites (I googled, “how to stop taking things personally”), I found ideas and actions that do pertain to me. An interesting reason at one site was
- “You’re a social perfectionist.”
This struck a chord for me. I instinctively want everyone to get along. I work hard to prevent or mend any conflict or discord happening around me. Especially when I might be the accidental or perceived instigator!
Another is,
- “You get lost in your own stories.”
Unpacked, this means, examine your own beliefs. Be open to a bigger picture. This perspective helps me pull out of my emotions.
This leads to recognizing personal triggers. What are my soft spots? For example, I loathe the idea of others thinking I am oblivious or unkind. Another way of saying this is,
- “Get to the root of your reaction.”
Several suggestions focused on others caught up in the situation.
- “Everyone has their triggers.”
- “Remember, even the kindest people can be selfish sometimes.”
And the wise observation,
- “You can’t change someone else’s reactions.”
Beginning to reflect opens up my ability to reassess. One site offers this gem,
- “Realize it’s not about you.”
Put another way, what might be another person’s intentions? Oh yeah! I’m just one person caught up in this! And here’s another one,
- “Give yourself a dose of honesty and some empathy.”
What if I had done things a little differently, leading to a different outcome? And yes, I am a flawed human, like everyone else. And that’s okay.
I end up more humble, a little wiser, willing to acknowledge both my responsibility and that of others. Maybe I will even remember some of this wisdom, and I won’t fall into this trap quite as quickly in the future.