My pastor introduced us to a new way of understanding ourselves and each other. He divides how you see and understand another, and also yourself, into three categories. I’m not sure if I have the precise names of the attributes, but close enough.
The first is Identity. Within this construct are gender, sexual orientation, race, nationality, and religious affiliation. All features in this category are an innate part of you. Either you are born with them or feel personally compelled to embrace them. This is the soul-full part of a every person. It’s a person’s ‘beingness.’ When you consider yourself as an example of this category, you intuitively understand that this category is innate to all of us.
The second is Ideology. Within this category are beliefs, opinions, and ideas. This is the intellectual side of a person. We gather this information during our lives through education, family, and life experiences. And these are malleable. Almost everyone has had the experience of changing their mind about an issue because of new information and understanding.
The third aspect is Behavior. This is literally obvious, the actions a person takes. They are visible to everyone in the vicinity of the actor.
Our pastor, Andrew, explained that identity is a given and therefore not a part of someone that can be questioned or criticized. This is an important point. How often do we hear about someone singled out or ostracized because of their race, religion, or sexual orientation? This type of prejudice is an assault against someone’s identity, one’s beingness.
Of course, we can engage with others in the realms of ideology and behavior. The key is how to do so. In my experience, with respect and lots of questions. Personally, I learn more about someone if I start with questions aimed at learning and understanding them. Better not to make assumptions. And I often find that I did have assumptions when I learn they were wrong! All the better to start with information-gathering questions.
But of most significance is the understanding that another’s identity is a given, to be respected if not cherished.