Recently I had a powerful wake-up call. Here’s the background of my experience. For several years I had desired to and tried to let go and forgive someone I felt had betrayed and intentionally hurt me. I would think that I had achieved this only to stumble on another layer of anger, hurt and blame. This went on for years.
I believe in forgiveness and letting go of past hurts and insults, if only for my own health. Here, from the Mayo Clinic are the benefits of forgiveness,
Forgiveness can lead to:
- Healthier relationships.
- Improved mental health.
- Less anxiety, stress and hostility.
- Lower blood pressure.
- Fewer symptoms of depression.
- A stronger immune system.
- Improved heart health.
- Improved self-esteem.
Up until this experience I have been successful in accomplishing forgiveness, even if working at it over time. But in this instance, it seemed I could not find a way to achieve it.
Last week I was having a massage. For some reason, the topic came up. I was talking with the masseuse about this conundrum. In my mind, it was necessary for me to finally understand this other person, why had they wanted to consciously hurt me? I thought that this awareness would help me let go and forgive.
And the masseuse said to me, “I don’t think this is about the other person. Forget them, you will never know what was going on for them. This is about you. This is about how you betrayed yourself.” I was gobsmacked. I was stunned.
But I knew immediately that she was right. I had remembered and told her that my intuition had warned me not to have a relationship with this person. But I ignored that wisdom and boy did I pay for it!
All along, I had unconsciously projected onto this other person my own anger at myself. Because I was not aware of what I was doing, I couldn’t resolve the feelings. According to Every day Health, psychological projection is a “defense mechanism people subconsciously employ to cope with difficult feelings or emotions. Psychological projections involve projecting undesirable feelings or emotions onto someone else, rather than admitting to or dealing with the unwanted feelings.” ( https://www.everydayhealth.com/emotional-health/psychological-projection-dealing-with-undesirable-emotions/)
This new understanding has finally helped me to let go of my feelings of anger and blame. It has also helped me to focus on self-healing. I am now embarked on learning to ‘hear’ and ‘see’ my own intuitive wisdom.
My charge to everyone is to be aware of these ways that our minds work. If there is someone or something that really, really bugs you, is it about them or you?