Recently members of my extended family experienced a tragedy. A young, 28 year-old in that family unexpectedly died in a freak accident. Everyone was shocked and bereft. My daughter asked me what to do to comfort a family member experiencing so much grief.
I answered that there is not much to do. It is more about being than doing. There is nothing that you can say that will take away any of the pain or distract from the grief. Forget any platitudes such as the passage of time will heal, or be thankful you have other children. It is wiser to simply state the obvious, “I am so sorry for your loss…”
More on the being. Just being there and listening is the most healing thing that you can offer. Allow the grieving person to express any and all emotions. Someone will feel profound grief and sadness and probably also denial, anger, or guilt. This is not unusual but it can be disturbing to the person going through the grief and hard for a listener to hear. Just allow it. The process of grief is multifaceted and individual. Be open to listening and accepting all.
And there are some things one can do; offer a hug, hold a hand, make a cup of tea, or do an errand. This can be helpful and supportive.
Lastly, stay in touch. Stop by and again be there to listen, accept, and make a cup of tea.