Thoughts on the Value of Coaching
At this moment, I have almost completed the recertification process to maintain my International Coaching Federation (ICF) credential. Along with much time spent, and some costs, I have met new coaches and learned a lot. For some reason, this new learning surprised me, happily so. What have I learned? How other coaches handle certain situations, steps to handle challenging ethical dilemmas, and other new approaches to coach particular issues for example. And I have gained more insight into the profession of coaching itself. Coaching evolved in the 80’s in the United States. Several people were instrumental in its inception. Werner Erhard, involved in est Training introduced self-improvement training. Thomas Leonard, interested in the same ideas as Erhard, is considered the founding father of life coaching. He founded the International Coaching Federation (ICF) in 1994. The founding principles of coaching come from many sources. Here are some, This quote by Patrick…
My COVID Shell Is Beginning to Break
For a while now I have realized that I am still in a COVID shell. I do go out and socialize. But my mindset is still controlled by pandemic thinking. Perhaps the more accurate way to explain this is, I now have “pandemic habits.” Here’s an example. A few weeks ago, a friend said, “now we can plan a trip to the city again!” I looked at her like a deer in the headlights. I was feeling overwhelmed thinking about the prospect, how do I do it? The tasks to prepare and make such a trip seemed challenging and difficult. At the same time, I realized that I had made that trip or similar ones many times in the past, never thinking this way. What had happened? COVID has changed almost everything for almost everyone. Venturing out, planning a trip now seemed momentous to me. For years I have made…
A Practice to Bring Well-Being and Solace
This feels like such a tense, fraught time. Elections, a war, inflation, global warming. Take your pick of pressing anxiety-producing issues. For this blog, I offer a practice that has always provided me with a sense of serenity and/or solace. Here is some context, when I was growing up, whenever I felt angry, sad, or stressed, I went for a walk. Now I start my day with a walk, something my dog loves (and needs) too. I can start my day with this activity, but I don’t think the time of day makes a difference. Here is a description of the practice because it’s not just putting one foot in front of the other. I use my senses to get out of my head. Visually, I look, I mean with focus, first at the sky. What color blue (there are many shades of blue), or what color is the sky,…
Transforming Regrets
I am currently in a process that requires reflecting on my childhood self. My goal is to become more whole and more fully aware. Recently, a lightbulb insight occurred to me. These realizations seem to come out of nowhere, like surprise gifts. Here is the insight: regret is another word for something incomplete. Feeling regret means there is more work to do on an issue. Let me unpack this. First, here’s a definition of regret thanks to the online Cambridge Dictionary; “a feeling of sadness about something sad or wrong or about a mistake that you made, and a wish that it could have been different and better.” My understanding is that general regrets are not about “life or death” situations, but those significant to us actions or inactions in everyday life. Here is one of my experiences of regret. I have regretted not living in New York City immediately…
The Foundational Steps to Make Life Changes
Reflecting on a meaningful topic for today’s blog, I thought about the many self-help books, columns, and blogs about how to improve, be a better person, or make your life work better, etc. There are countless articles on this general topic. But someone can have all the information and make no headway in changing their lives. What elements need to be in place for someone to begin the effort to make a change? It seems to me, there is a foundation that needs to be in place, or the effort is futile. A foundation is helpful for changing habits like adding exercise, changing a diet, or cutting down on social media for example. Problems like addiction issues require much more intensive efforts over an extended time. Not that these elements of a foundation couldn’t be useful, but alone, are probably not enough. Talking with a friend, she said that when…
Ideas for Engaging with Difficult People
In my last blog, I explored my pastor’s three categories for understanding another. In summary, someone’s identity – gender, sexual orientation, race, nationality, and religious affiliation is sacrosanct. We can engage with others in the areas of ideology (what we have learned from family, education, and our culture) and behavior. I ended the blog with an overview on how to engage with others, without assumptions and asking questions aimed at gathering information to better understand. In this blog I go deeper into ways to constructively engage others, particularly when there is strong disagreement. Loretta Ross, an American activist and academic, coined the term “calling in,” an antidote to destructive calling out behavior. In a New York Times article, she describes calling in as “a call out done with love.” Ross emphasizes that the person doing the calling needs to be curious and to “lead with love.” The exchange happens privately…
Three Categories for Understanding and Engaging with Others
My pastor introduced us to a new way of understanding ourselves and each other. He divides how you see and understand another, and also yourself, into three categories. I’m not sure if I have the precise names of the attributes, but close enough. The first is Identity. Within this construct are gender, sexual orientation, race, nationality, and religious affiliation. All features in this category are an innate part of you. Either you are born with them or feel personally compelled to embrace them. This is the soul-full part of a every person. It’s a person’s ‘beingness.’ When you consider yourself as an example of this category, you intuitively understand that this category is innate to all of us. The second is Ideology. Within this category are beliefs, opinions, and ideas. This is the intellectual side of a person. We gather this information during our lives through education, family, and life…
Insights into the Value of Coaching
Recently I heard a Hidden Brain podcast that reinforced my conviction about the value of life coaching. And a warning, this is a shameless advertisement for coaching; I am a life coach. The podcast, You 2.0 How to See Yourself Clearly, is about how well we truly know ourselves, and ways to improve our self-knowledge. The thesis of the podcast is that in our culture, we believe that the answers to our questions lie within and that we can reflect and know what is best for us. That process is usually a rational one; what are the pros and cons of a particular choice. The process may apply to the choice of a partner, a career, or which car or house to buy. Several interesting studies are covered in the podcast that demonstrate that others who know us often know our preferences better than we know them ourselves. Still another…
What Is The Process of Grief and How Do You Navigate It?
Because of a recent death in my immediate family, I am experiencing grief. I don’t mean to be morbid, just honest. I decided to write about this in a blog because it helps me to acknowledge and process this reality. But along with me, I think that many of us are experiencing grief and mourning at this time. My hope is that there is information in this blog that others will also find helpful. As I noted, because of tumultuous times, many of us are going through a grief process. Foremost, many have lost a loved one to COVID. And some have experienced the sudden death of a loved one because of violence. Others feel grief over the changing environment because of climate change. Still others have lost homes, jobs, or livelihoods because of the wrenching changes in our economy or environment. And there are more. My experience at this…
Here We Are, Climate Change Is Now, What to Do?
The dangerous heat waves of this summer got me thinking about our human relationship with the natural world. Curbing global warming is crucial now. This truth is all too obvious. Along with taking steps to reduce and eliminate gas emissions that cause the warming, we, as a culture need to reevaluate our relationship with nature. I have seen and heard the saying, ‘we’re all in this together’ meaning that peoples everywhere are experiencing effects of climate change, intense storms, heat, drought, cloudbursts and so on. Yes, we are all in this together; all the living organisms on earth are in this, too. I am fortunate that I grew up on a working farm and lived intimately with the fields, forests, streams, and wildlife. And also the circle of seasons and weather throughout the year. I have lived in cities, too. I know the heat of concrete buildings and streets at…