Recently I heard a Hidden Brain podcast that reinforced my conviction about the value of life coaching. And a warning, this is a shameless advertisement for coaching; I am a life coach.
The podcast, You 2.0 How to See Yourself Clearly, is about how well we truly know ourselves, and ways to improve our self-knowledge. The thesis of the podcast is that in our culture, we believe that the answers to our questions lie within and that we can reflect and know what is best for us. That process is usually a rational one; what are the pros and cons of a particular choice. The process may apply to the choice of a partner, a career, or which car or house to buy.
Several interesting studies are covered in the podcast that demonstrate that others who know us often know our preferences better than we know them ourselves. Still another study finds that when we consider how other people feel about the same or a similar situation, we end up feeling similarly despite initially rejecting that information. We do this because we believe that we are unique, and therefore need to decide based on our individuality, not someone else’s experience. I found the podcast eye-opening and informative. I recommend listening to it.
About coaching. Although the podcast did not mention coaching and the studies did not allude to coaching, my experience of both coaching someone and being coached touches on some of the information in the podcast. Essentially, as a coach my training enables me to see and hear my client clearly and deeply and focus on the goals of the client. When I have been the client, I felt seen and heard in a way that I do not or cannot see or hear myself.
Here’s an example of my experience of being coached. Recently I experienced a death in my immediate family. I struggled with what seemed a vague and enormous sorrow that I could not define, could not get my arms around. Of course, I was mourning a family member, but I sensed that there was more going on. It was painful, and I couldn’t figure it out. I was stuck. My coach asked, “and are you also grieving the loss of your family of origin?” Bingo. As soon as he said it, it clicked. I felt relieved and knew what I was dealing with. I could now see clearly.
As a coach, I have had the same experience in reverse. I will observe and then ask a question or reflect on something I have noticed, an omission, a change in voice, or shift in body language. Bingo. My client will stop, pivot, and experience a shift. There is an opening that was not there before.
Here’s an example of coaching a client; they want to make a big move but can’t see how to achieve it. Family issues, complications about money, when and how, multiple issues and choices make the path opaque. During coaching, the changes were not immediate but over several weeks, when to take which steps became clear. In the end, the client achieved the goal, moved, and now feels empowered and much happier.
Yes, coaching can help you to know yourself better, make better choices, and understand problems and issues with more clarity!