The Power of Our Stories
The power of our stories may seem obvious. But I think that many people either take this fact for granted, or don’t reflect on this reality. This is a vast, wide-ranging topic. On the largest scale there is our human story, explaining our species’ evolution from its emergence through our spread across the earth, and the rise and fall of many cultures and empires to the present. Included in out storie are the myths and histories of different cultures, religions, and nations. Further, all these stories have different layers of meaning, the surface ‘facts’, and deeper levels psychological, mythological and spiritual meaning. Acknowledging this wide-ranging topic of our human stories, I will focus on the personal explanations, narratives, confessions, tales, renditions, and yes, stories that we tell, write, or explicate in some fashion to ourselves, another person, or other people. These stories illustrate the events of our lives. These…
Lessons in Transformation from Alchemy
This time of year, at the very beginning of spring, I am reminded of the initial material for an alchemical transformation. Early spring in Vermont is not pretty. The bedraggled remains of snow banks are grimy, the exposed earth is dark and wet, exhausted looking grasses and plants, are flattened and a dead-looking brown, and trees look gray and exhausted. In the process of alchemy, ‘prima materia’ is the fancy name for this first stuff ready for the work and magic of transformation into something very different, something noble, meaningful and beautiful. Alchemy was a complex and serious enterprise before the dawn of contemporary science. The purpose of the process was to transform base metals into gold. Today, we think of this as impossible, magical thinking. And we dismiss the whole concept as the hocus-pocus of a long-ago time. Carl Jung understood that alchemy is also a metaphorical description…
Nipping a Conflict in the Bud, or Heading It off at the Pass
This past week I spent time researching best methods for working through team conflicts. And by a conflict I mean “an active disagreement, as between opposing opinions or needs,” (https:/www.dictinary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/conflict). The Cycle of Resolution developed by Stewart Levine stood out for me. What caught my attention first was the author’s description of the sources of conflict. He contends that most conflict is not intentional. Instead he explains that most conflicts are structural, the result of “different individual characteristics, needs, and outcomes… and the lack of clear, explicit agreements.” (p. 502, The Change Handbook, 2nd Ed., (2007) Peggy Holman, Tom Devane, and Steven Cady, San Francisco, CA: Berrett-Koehler) He also notes that no matter how thorough and well-crafted an agreement, change happens, unforeseen events occur, and no agreement is ever ‘complete.’ What really caught my attention was Levine’s assertion that the main reason that conflict is difficult to resolve is…
More Thoughts on Traumatized Teams
The last blog I wrote was about my experience of interviewing a team that I eventually decided had been traumatized. I surmised that too many difficult or negative changes over a short period of time was the culprit. In different ways, individuals on the team evidenced symptoms like feeling hopeless, a sense of persecution, anger and cynicism, and an inability to empathize and numbing, among others. These symptoms are all found on “A Trauma Exposure Wheel” in “Trauma Stewardship” by Laura van Dernoot Lipsky and Connie Burk. As I write this I am researching and evaluating a ‘retreat playshop’ for the team. While I mulled over my initial findings, I discussed them with a colleague who specializes in recognizing and dealing with trauma. I was struck by some things she said during our conversation. Most haunting, trauma experience is everywhere. And you can’t ‘fix’ it, first it must be named.…
An Image of Traumatized Behavior
Recently, during my consulting work with an organization, I had an eye-opening experience. I was charged with assisting a team of supervisors to improve their understanding of other team members’ responsibilities, communication skills, and team work function. My work with the supervisory team was successful. Interactions and collaboration improved. But the supervisors kept experiencing resistance and difficulties with a subordinate team. No intervention introduced by the supervisors improved the behavior of the subordinate team for long. Negativity in some form invariably and repeatedly cropped up. This became more and more discouraging and confounding for management. Morale suffered. Initially the belief was that helping the supervisory team to improve function would then support the subordinate team to also improve function. When this did not happen, I was asked to work directly with the subordinate team. First, I interviewed individually each member of the subordinate team. And I had my…
The Surprising Sweetness of Humble Pie
Yesterday I talked with the current president of a local organization. I am on track to become the president of this organization later this year. For the past few months I have been thinking a lot about my priorities and strategies for inspiring positive change when I become president. Without acknowledging this to myself, I had also been judging the current president, thinking that I would definitely do a ‘better’ job. During our conversation, I learned about some of the goals and actions the current leader has worked on. I then realized that I can’t be sure I will do any better at the job. This was humbling. And I learned something. I now understand that I get in trouble when I assume that I know the best solution or the best perspective as I just described above. This unconscious belief closes my ears and my eyes. But…
The Ongoing Work to Balance Rights and Responsibilities
All the recent discussions about our constitutional rights and losing them or preserving them, got me thinking about the concept of a social contract. I found several definitions of social contract at thefreedictionary.com. Here is one, “the agreement among individuals by which society becomes organized and invested with the right to secure mutual protection and welfare.” And another, “ a usually implicit agreement among the members of an organized society or between the governed and the government defining and limiting the rights and duties of each.” I learned that this concept is an old one, debated by philosophers for centuries. One of the definitions implies that there is a trade-off. To obtain a degree of protection and security, some individual actions are curtailed. I also looked at the first ten amendments that make up the Bill of Rights of our U. S. Constitution. These cover freedom of religion, speech,…
Dialogue, Discussion, and a Path out of Partisanship
A recent news story caught my attention. I heard that a committee in the United States House, the committee on intelligence, is considering building a wall between the staffers of each political party. This seems absurd, yet I heard it stated several times while listening to different news programs. I do not know whether this will actually happen, I certainly hope not. But it is concerning that it is even being considered. Because of my work as a facilitator, consultant, and coach, I began thinking about how to bridge the differences and difficulties between the two political factions. I start with two definitions, discussion and dialogue. Often these words are used interchangeably, but it is worth understanding their different roots and meanings. The word discussion has evolved from the Latin word discutere meaning “to break up” (American Heritage College). In Middle English the word meant, “struck asunder, shaken, scattered”…
Everyone Else’s Dreams
I heard these lyrics this past week, “We are at the mercy of everyone else’s dreams.” Unfortunately, even though I searched, I could not find the author of these words, so I can’t give him credit. But the meaning within this phrase reverberates for me. Especially because of a book I read recently, “The Pocket Guide to Polyvagal Theory” by Stephen W. Porges. Because of my past career as a therapist and my current career as a coach and a consultant, the information from the book and the meaning of the lyrics click for me. The underlying connection is that we as humans need social interaction and community to survive and function at our best. But along with needing each other, we are vulnerable to each other, too. For me, the implications of the lyrics say that we all have plans, hopes, and dreams for our lives. For…
What to do…?
The weather outside is frightful, and so is the news day after day… What to do to keep sane and hopeful, especially on the day this country celebrates the heritage of Martin Luther King, Jr.? There is a story told about C. G. Jung. Someone, some years ago, distressed about the deplorable state of the world at that time, asked him what one person could do to have a positive impact on the world. He answered, “work on yourself.” I don’t know if this answer satisfied the concerned questioner or not. It does not, at first blush, seem to be much of an answer for curing the world’s ills. So let’s unpack it. Work on yourself. If you focus on an honest inventory of yourself and the ways that you want to become more a mature, better person, and to pursue meaningful, fulfilling tasks, two changes occur. Your…