As Americans, what will be our future dream, our dream future?
Yesterday I attended a religious service that focused on acknowledging our human dependence on and embeddedness in the natural environment, and the necessity to take better care of our environment and earth. A few days earlier I read about an indigenous African culture that believes that the West is as endangered as any other culture precisely because of our acts of environmental destruction as well as our disregard of spiritual values. Here is a statement that distills these perspectives, “the unrestrained exploitation of natural resources is merely a symptom of an overall sickness of the human spirit. Any solutions to the environment/development crisis must, therefore, be rooted in an approach which fosters spiritual balance and harmony within the individual, between individuals, and with the environment as a whole.” (Earth Charter from Bahá’í International Community) In this blog I will skirt the spiritual component, or its lack, in the potential…
Flexible or in Danger of Getting Bent?
Yesterday I heard an expression that really struck me. I don’t know to whom to accredit it. Here it is, “blessed are they who are flexible, for they will not get bent out of shape.” Immediately one gets the gist; be open to the new and to change, or else one will struggle. Unpacking this expression first, what does flexible mean? What are its attributes? I looked up a definition of flexible (Random House, Webster’s Unabridged Dictionary), “1. capable of being bent, usually without breaking… 2. susceptible of modification or adaptation… 3. willing or disposed to yield, pliable, a flexible personality.” The writer(s) of the definition seemed to have the above expression in mind in their descriptive words, capable of being bent, pliable, and a flexible personality. What this definition cannot illuminate is the underlying aspects of a personality that support someone being flexible. I also recently heard…
A Zest for the Onerous?
A couple of months ago I agreed to voluntarily chair a committee that requires monthly duties. These tasks include creating and updating charts, writing letters, setting up meetings, helping create agendas, and traveling to meet with other groups. I was reluctant to accept this responsibility. The reason I did so was because I realized that no one else was available to fill the position. The amount of work seemed onerous to me. I was anxious about how much time the new job, unpaid even, would take. The whole thing felt like a burden, a new weight on me. Yesterday I met with a colleague to go over the scope of the responsibilities and the specific tasks. I voiced my trepidation about the amount of time and work that this new responsibility would take. Her response was understanding and gentle. I remember thinking that I should really listen to what…
The Value of our Connections with One Another
Last weekend I visited an old friend I had not seen in four years. We had lost track of how long it had been and my friend actually referred to her old calendars to find the definitive answer. Part of the reason that we had not seen each other were changes in each of our lives causing visits to conflict with new responsibilities or events. It was delightful. We spent a lot of time talking, of course. We also went for several walks along the shore near her home. And there was delicious food and new ideas and realizations to consider. The most important realization for me during the visit was how important this friendship was and is for me. In the past we shared studio space for several years. For me, it was a time of hard work and growth as an artist. At the time I felt…
An Unexpected and Unpleasant Jolt that Becomes a Gift
Last week I attended a celebratory event. People were invited to the centennial of an old, restored industrial building. The person who owns it has made it into a gallery for her art and also an event space for weddings and parties. I expected to meet people and enjoy some good conversation, food and music. I looked forward to congratulating the owner and proprietor on her achievement. To my dismay, when I walked around looking at the space and the artwork, I was smitten with envy and jealousy. Not fun feelings. I then felt angry and ashamed with myself. I am a mature, accomplished adult in my own right, how could I have these childish feelings? But I couldn’t shake them. They were intense. I stayed for a while and did meet some people and enjoy good conversations, food and music, but all under a pall. I went home…
“Be Yourself,” What Does that Mean?
During interviews with successful people, I sometimes hear the interviewer ask, “How did you do it?” or “what is your secret to success?” They often respond, “I was just being myself.” As I listen I intuitively understand what the interviewees mean; to be yourself you follow your own muse and your own way of doing things, not those of anyone else or the mainstream. This makes sense and sounds like good advice. In other words, be unique and stand out. I thought more about it and realized that I find it very difficult to “be myself” in certain circumstances. I have no problem being myself when choosing my clothes, furniture, or a car. But, when I think about becoming successful in my career, it’s another story. I automatically wonder what others expect of me. My next question is “how can I fit into those expectations?” And the thoughts and…
Are You Holding On to Anything?
Recently I was in conversation with an older friend and a car accident that she and her husband experienced happened to come up. I had not heard about it and I asked her questions about it. She described a traumatic and life-changing experience in which they were struck by a car that was out of control and forced off the road. I could tell by the way she talked that the event still had a strong and negative effect on her life perspective. A few years ago I went through a difficult breakup. I won’t debate that I had some responsibility for the failure of the relationship. However, I felt unnecessarily and negatively affected, financially, psychologically, and mentally, by the divorce process. I had endeavored to make the process respectful and reasonable, but it devolved into something hateful and ugly. As the recent conversation with my friend unfolded, I…
A Mentoring Moment
Recently I was one of three judges for a competition on professional conduct produced by a nonprofit organization. We evaluated the contestants on the clarity of their written and spoken language, their poise in presenting and interviewing, their grasp of issues, and their career goals and challenges as well as other categories. Naturally there was one winner, and in this case, one loser. The choice of the winning candidate was obvious, although the other contestant was fairly close in points. The person who lost was simply less clear in expressing herself and had less self-confidence. While I admired the achievements of the winner and agreed that she deserved to win, I identified with the loser. The reason for that is simple. Some years ago I was that person. Growing up I felt invisible. This led to my belief that I had no particular skills or talents. This in…
Heeding my Use of Time and Doing Something about It
I am fortunate because I can work part-time. But still I need that financial support. Working part-time, while it gives me more free time, has a dilemma attached. Just how do I manage my time well? Recently, two different people gave me the same message. In the process of negotiating the wording and images for a revamped website, the web designer mentioned in passing that she had learned how to value her time. I felt this information vibrate inside me as a warning. It struck a chord. I knew in that moment that I was not valuing my time well enough. A few days later, while enjoying a massage, the masseuse said that she felt my body expressing depletion and feeling unappreciated. At the time, I was only aware that I felt tired and out of focus. When I get several messages both giving me similar meanings, I…
What is Reparenting? When is It Useful?
The other day I confided to a good friend that I had run into an old, frustratingly familiar stumbling block. I had almost completed an idea for a workshop. I had finished the research, outline, and timeline. All I had to do now was pick up the phone and make appointments to present my idea to organizations that seemed like a good fit for the idea. That’s when the stumbling block emerged into consciousness. Essentially my inner critic said, “This idea/workshop isn’t that good. Nobody will want to hire you to do it. Just who do you think you are?” In the past this inner message has stopped me in my tracks. I didn’t want that to happen this time. I am a therapist and I have spent time in therapy. I know the origins of this negative self-talk. But that does not stop it from happening. I will…