I Am Not a Failure and I Fail a Lot!
I used to dread failure. In my mind failure was like a little death. When I failed at a project or with a client, for me that experience became a black hole and gave me a sense of shame. I could not understand self-help articles that encouraged one to embrace failure, to accept it as a potentially positive learning experience. Recently, I co-facilitated a five-session workshop on an intense issue, White Privilege. One of the participants, who, it turned out, gave workshops on diversity, told me at the end of the first session that if we continued to conduct the workshop in the same way we would fail. We would not help the participants understand the meaning and impact of the subject, White Privilege. I felt threatened and angry. Who wants to hear that you are failing, even if you are comfortable with the concept? But, I respected her…
A Couple of Tips on Changing Old, Unhelpful Habits
Changing any habit is hard work. For example, consider how hard it is to change eating habits, start exercising, or regulate sleep times. Nearly everyone has attempted and failed at some point in their lives to sustain a change of habit like going to bed earlier or eating healthier foods. Check out www.marilyngordon.com for her list of ten helpful and practical hints. Here are the two most necessary ingredients to change an old habit or form a new one. First, you must be ready and willing to change. Some call this “hitting bottom,” in other words you are desperate to make a change. Perhaps health issues or relationship issues are the cause for seriously needing to change something. Sometimes not despair but “sick and tired” are enough. For example, I have three pounds to lose to achieve my “perfect” weight and I have spent three months and I’m not…
The Bane of Too Many Choices and What To Do about It
I am old enough to remember when making choices was a much simpler task. When I was a kid, probably six or seven years old, the end of the school year meant choosing my summer sneakers. My mother and I would go to the local shoe store to select them. There was one brand of sneaker available. The choice was which of three colors to choose. Actually, there were only two choices because I knew better than to choose white. White sneakers would look good for about a day. That left a choice of either navy blue or red. And I used to agonize, which would I like longer. I knew I would get sick of either choice after a while, but if I chose well enough, I could postpone that inevitable ennui. Here’s another example from my youth. I remember when there were two types of bicycles, American,…
Attitude, attitude, attitude…
Our society is in the midst of tumultuous times. No matter where you are on the political spectrum, our national course feels turbulent and murky. For me, it is more important than ever to cultivate a sense of wellbeing. First, I will start with a story. On the first day of my journey around the United States last fall, I got a very late start. There were many details to attend to as I left my home for five weeks. So, three or four hours late I set out for the Buffalo area of New York State, an eight hour journey for me and my two dogs, Belle and Sebastian. I had made a reservation in a motel based on location, dog-friendliness, and cost. Shortly after I left Albany, New York behind, it began to rain hard. For the remainder of my drive the temperature hovered in the low…
The Value of Intuition and How to Cultivate It
By far, the largest portion of our brain gathers and processes information outside of our focused awareness… The other day I stumbled on a fascinating documentary on intuition and its importance for us. Titled “Inn Saei,” Icelandic for intuition, it begins with the story of a woman who burns out of her highly demanding job. In seeking to re-balance her life, she explores the role and value of intuition in our lives. In the documentary William W. George, a senior fellow teaching leadership at the Harvard Business School, defines intuition as letting your whole brain flow, as opposed to staying with the rational, focused part of our consciousness only. He suggests that learning and practicing to allow whole brain flow helps to integrate disparate pieces of information and to see problems and situations holistically. Unfortunately our culture, and Western cultures in general, rely on the rational, linear, time…
Victims and Perpetrators, Must it be an Endless Cycle?
Since my round-country trip I have focused this blog on the things I learned from my travels. These were generally upbeat, positive lessons. Recent events and serendipitous reading for a book club have sent me in another, more somber direction. Gunter Grass, the celebrated German writer of the second half of the twentieth century, was lauded for being the first to open up, in literature, the issue of the German people’s complicit role in the rise and terrible destruction of Nazism. In my recent reading about him, I have learned that some or at least one of his later books grappled with the trauma, loss, and pain, due to Nazism for the German people as well. He suggests that all voices need to be raised and to be heard for complete healing to occur. This made me pause and remember lessons learned while I worked on an in-patient…
The Journey is Never Over
I traveled for five weeks around the United States with my two therapy dogs. Except for a few days staying with family and friends, I was on the move every day. I drove across many different terrains, through towns and cities, past fields and forests. Something new opened up for me constantly as I moved through the landscape. I never tired of the opening panorama. I remember driving across the Texas Panhandle, how flat it was! I found that interesting because I am more familiar with hills and valleys. I realized that the drama of that landscape is in the sky because the land is flat. And another surprise, the panhandle is dotted with hundreds and hundreds of wind turbines. The cattle grazing beneath them looked like tiny matchbox toys. The trip offered me an unfolding adventure of newness. I relished this, wondering each day what new sights would…
Interdependence Day
To start the year off on an optimistic note, I will write about one of the idealistic concepts of my grandmother, Helen Kitchel. She was a remarkable person. Born to a wealthy family, she nonetheless enjoyed meeting and being with all kinds of people. She particularly cared about the wellbeing of her family, her community, and the natural environment. Helen had many interests that she worked tirelessly to bring into existence. She and her father helped to establish a community park. She was in charge of landscaping portions of the state parkways when she served in the Connecticut Legislature. She preserved hundreds of acres of land for a state park. These are just a couple of her endeavors. One particular idea that never came to fruition was Interdependence Day. She believed that all nations and therefore all peoples are connected and dependent on one another. Sometime in the 1950’s…
This Land is Our Land
I wrote this blog is in response to the current debate about immigration. I do understand the fear about losing jobs and increased taxes because of both illegal and sanctioned immigration although I do not agree with the resulting opposing position. I keep in mind that my ancestors emigrated here from several different European countries. As I drove across landscapes in the West new to me, I noticed the Native American Reservations I crossed. I reflected that our entire country was once the home of Native American Tribes, not just these reserves. Then I imagined the amazement of the early European immigrants and settlers when they first saw the lands that became the United States. The bounteous forests, rich soils, wealth of natural resources must have seemed wondrous and pristine especially compared with the heavily used and inhabited lands they had left behind. But I wonder how much they…
Evolving Self-Discipline
My five-week travel with the two dogs required that I maintain healthy habits. I was the only driver. That meant that I had to take care of myself, get regular and sufficient rest, exercise, and nutrition. In addition I had to make all the arrangements for our accommodations and plan of travel. I had to take care of the dogs and keep them on as regular and familiar a schedule as possible. This helped them to feel secure and stay healthy, too. This regimen required discipline. While I drove I reflected on this necessary component of my trip. I realized that my sense of discipline had evolved over my adult life. Before my adulthood my parents probably managed to instill a degree of discipline in my life through their requirements of me and by their own modeling of self-discipline. I was given a good start. But I remember that…