The Holidays: Betwixt and Between
An email from a colleague who works in a social service agency explained why she had to postpone a meeting: because of the holidays it was getting crazy there. She had to spend a lot more time problem solving and managing difficulties so could we please postpone? I have worked in similar situations and I understand what my colleague is experiencing. And I am blessed; I have wonderful memories of fun-filled, meaningful holiday gatherings. I reflected that it is sad that at this time of year when joy, celebration, family, and community are meant to be celebrated, it seems that there is also more misery and distress. However, the reason seems obvious. High expectations about time spent with family, gifts, and new beginnings are not all met causing stress. This leaves many feeling disappointment and disillusionment. For some memories of difficult past holidays can add to a sense of malaise.…
Do You Have the “Change- Your- Mind” Template?
Because of my curiosity about how someone changes his or her mind about emotional and personally important issues, I conducted research with people who initially opposed civil unions and accepted same-gender marriage nine years later. There were a number of factors that coalesced to cause their change of position but one of the most intriguing I call the “change-your-mind” template. Most of the nine subjects in my study had an experience of changing his or her mind about a significant emotional issue earlier in life, especially as children or teens. For example, one participant described changing his mind when he was about twelve years old. At first he was angry and frustrated with his younger sister. He was certain that she was only a brat, a pest. His task as her older brother was to supervise her chores on the family farm. He felt constantly irritated and complained to his…
How Does an Introvert Mix at a Mixer
I am an introvert. When I became a coach and consultant I had to learn how to market my skills, something I had never needed to do before. There is a quiver full of various marketing activities, electronic platforms to master, and the “best” language to capture attention. One of the events new to me is the mixer where different professionals gather in a room for the purpose of acquainting each other with their skills and present work projects in the hope of finding work. Appetizers and beverages ease the enterprise. My first mixers are a blur for me. I don’t remember meeting any individuals, making any impressions, or setting up any meetings. I ate some food and enjoyed a glass of wine but that was about it. I considered an event a “win” if I handed out three business cards. Quite pathetic! As I noted in the title of…
How Do You Support a Grieving Person?
Recently members of my extended family experienced a tragedy. A young, 28 year-old in that family unexpectedly died in a freak accident. Everyone was shocked and bereft. My daughter asked me what to do to comfort a family member experiencing so much grief. I answered that there is not much to do. It is more about being than doing. There is nothing that you can say that will take away any of the pain or distract from the grief. Forget any platitudes such as the passage of time will heal, or be thankful you have other children. It is wiser to simply state the obvious, “I am so sorry for your loss…” More on the being. Just being there and listening is the most healing thing that you can offer. Allow the grieving person to express any and all emotions. Someone will feel profound grief and sadness and probably also denial,…
Live on the Edge is Improv
A friend loves the expression, “if you’re not living on the edge, you’re taking up too much space.” I think this means that life will be more full if you not only accept but embrace change to fully engage in all aspects of living. I like the expression, too, but something was missing for me. I watched my mother work very hard to meet the expectations and high standards that she believed were required of her to be “scholarly”, something she always aspired to be. As a child this behavior confused me. I could sense that she was striving to meet some intangible, but very powerful imperative, but I couldn’t understand what those requirements were, why they were important or where they came from. Now I know that they existed inside my mother’s head. Without realizing it I inherited my mother’s proclivity to meet my own invisible high standards. I…
Shoot Me an Email
First, I must admit, I am now old enough to sometimes feel overwhelmed by new social media options. However, I think I am also old enough to offer a perspective and some practical ways to manage the new communication landscape. Back in the day I had to write thank-you notes – in a timely fashion, after receiving gifts on a holiday. There were acceptable formats, lengths, and topics for these notes along with the acceptable time window. Today it seems we are in the wild west of communication times. There are many choices, grammars, and seemingly few rules of any sort to frame how we “talk” with one another aside from face to face. I have heard many examples of emails gone awry causing hurt feelings and serious misunderstandings. How much context can one squeeze into a tweet? How well can the whole story be told in a text? I…
This is the Best I Can Do Now
“This is the best I can do now.” Recently I said that statement to a business development expert. She hesitated and then said, “That has a negative aura about it. Instead, how about saying, this is how it’s showing up at this time.” What is the difference? I could hear it, but it took me awhile to sort it out. First, when I state, “the best I can do”, I am at the center of the endeavor implying that everything depends on me. Instead, my work is always with others, in exchange with others. Communication and connection are crucial. These interactions coalesce to create awareness, new ways of seeing, and new ways of working. Next, “I can do”, suggests that any work done also depends on me. Again, I am working with others. Efforts that I make must be in concert with them. Of course I have to do my…
The Power of Visual Expression
Introduction Why write a blog? Do I have something useful to say? Yes, I believe that my life experience and training have given me some insights and information that can be helpful for others. My area of interest is increasing personal awareness in all areas of life from learning how to make a new habit stick, becoming more creative, to handling that difficult co-worker. Here goes… The Power of Visual Expression in the Workplace “Add colors and lines to create an image.” Each person in the group has completed a scribble and now can choose how to make that scribble into an image. Every time I led an art therapy group I was impressed by how the mood of the room changed during the session. At the beginning people seem distracted, bored, possibly depressed. There is minimal interaction. As if by magic, at some point during the time everyone works…