Reflecting on freedom and how to live it
Listening to a message in church today, the pastor spoke about the sense of freedom someone achieves when they let go of anger and judgement and open themselves up. He offered that when this happens, you are free to choose, choose how to manage emotions, free to choose what to consider and how to understand, and free to choose what actions, if any, to take. As a therapist, and as someone who has had therapy, I know this is true, whether one follows a religious tradition or not. Delving into this topic further, I found two definitions of freedom. And noted, this is a word with a lot of baggage in our culture at this time. Google’s definition is “The power or right to act, speak, or think as one wants without hindrance or restraint… The absence of subjection to foreign domination or despotic government.” And Merriam-Webster’s online definition is…
Trying Out the Genius of “Don’t Stop”
Recently, while listening to a program on successful entrepreneurs, the host asked the guest entrepreneur what kept them going, especially when it looked like the new enterprise might fail. I was struck by the answer. I’m paraphrasing here, the first step is small, it’s the decision to “do it.” All subsequent decisions are variations of “don’t stop.” And I add, after hearing the interview, don’t stop, even when things look dire. There are many times when I have ‘stopped.’ I wasn’t fully committed, felt insecure, or didn’t believe I was capable enough and so forth. Not always, but enough times, I have had regrets for giving up. But, I offer this recent example of not stopping, albeit on a smaller scale than a business startup. A week ago, I facilitated a meeting on Zoom for a local nonprofit. I recorded it for them, first time I had done that. And…
Testing, testing, How Are those Anchors Working?
Since I posted my last blog two weeks ago about holding on to my optimistic new year’s attitude, the three anchors I identified have been tested. Those anchors are personal values, self-awareness, and self-care practices. I haven’t gotten sick, or lost my livelihood, or my home, so I did not face catastrophic losses or changes. But a close family member from my extended family died quite suddenly and tragically young. I resigned from a promising but too demanding professional position, and I had more work on my plate involving new technological challenges as well. The events, decisions, aftermath, and amount of work strained those anchors. I remember thinking as I wrote the last blog that I was tempting fate by advertising my resources and strategies. It didn’t take long for that to happen! A reckoning of how the anchors performed and in what areas now seems in order. Personal Values,…
Already Challenging to Navigate the New Year
Building on my optimistic new year’s attitude, spacious and open but grounded, I realize already after a week and a half that it will be challenging to hold to my attitude “resolution.” A friend is recovering from a concussion she got while at work, the result of an angry outburst she tried to quell. Covid, in its new form of Omicron is rampaging everywhere because of its transmissibility. I see events going back online. Some people are again working from home. In general people are tired, frustrated, discouraged, angry even. And understandably so. Too much uncertainty and chaos in all aspects of our lives for way too long. How will I live my attitude? Reflecting, I realized that I rely on three anchors to stay grounded. I picture myself as a buoy or tower in the sea. There are three cables fixed to the bedrock beneath that keep me upright…
Tis the Week Between Christmas and New Year’s
A novel I’m reading describes the week between Christmas and New Year’s as that “prolonged, flat, cheerless week” (“A Dance to the Music of Time 1st Movement” by Anthony Powell). Because I did celebrate Christmas, I know exactly the feeling the author describes, although I opt for the word “flat” to cover my usual experience of this week. Another descriptive word that comes to mind is “limbo”, meaning, thanks to Google, “an uncertain period of awaiting a decision or resolution; an intermediate state or condition,” betwixt and between. How to make the most of this (flat) week? First, anyone who has just celebrated Christmas needs some down time! Although some may be traveling, away vacationing, or seeing relatives, so no at-home downtime. I do hope that they get a snatch of relaxation anyway. Given that, others may be celebrating Kwanzaa or be right back at work. I hope for them…
Lessons Learned from a Terrifying Childhood Event
When I was a child, about 10 or 11, I spent a weekend on Fire Island with my parents and a one of my friends. We were staying in a cottage owned by friends of my parents. It was great fun, except for one experience I still remember vividly. Being right on the beach, we spent time swimming and recreating. Fire Island faces the Atlantic Ocean, so it gets some powerful waves. One of those waves picked me up and tumbled me. I panicked. I couldn’t tell what direction was up or down, toward shore or out to sea. The power of the water was terrifying. I’m here, so obviously I was rescued. My father grabbed me and helped me get to shore. But I was shaken. From that time forward, I have had a healthy respect for the power of ocean waves. I retell this story because the feeling…
The Dynamic Process of Loving
In the past week, perhaps because it was Thanksgiving week, I heard a snippet of a positive and uplifting story. I heard enough to get a pithy gem of a saying. I regret that I did not hear the whole story, because I cannot give credit where it is due. I don’t know the name of the program or the individual who told the story. But this saying is nonetheless worth passing on. Thank you to the person who generously broadcast it. Here it is, “Love heals everything, the past, the present and the future.” That may sound sappy or saccharine to you, but I know that it’s true and far from saccharine. I imagine that everyone has heard the saying, “love conquers all,” which has a similar meaning. But the saying I just heard exudes more kinetic energy and has a clearer focus. Here is the reason that I…
New Ideas on How to Leverage Change
Suppose your organization has an exciting idea for a beneficial change in the community. For example, it’s a way to make solar panels more affordable. Potentially, this would help the area achieve climate change goals, and reduce heating and electric bills for many. Sounds like a win/win. However, the effort doesn’t take. Not many people sign up. What’s going on? A new book helps to shed light on resistance to change. I recently heard about it in a podcast by “Hidden Brain”. The book is titled The Human Element by Loran Nordgren and David Schonthal. I got excited about what I learned from the podcast because I have often felt frustrated that wonderful ideas simply failed to catch on, and I couldn’t figure out way. The authors say that there are two basic reasons new ideas fail to take off. Either there is not enough “fuel” behind the effort, or…
Finding An Intended Lesson…for Future Growth
Recently I heard an interview with Richard Antoine White. He has an incredible personal story to tell, his path from abject poverty to a life of his dreams. What struck me most is his “backronym” for fail, also the title of this blog, “Finding An Intended Lesson… for future growth.” A backronym is, “an acronym formed from an already existing word. Backronyms may be invented with either serious or humorous intent.” (Wikipedia) First, a brief overview of Richard’s story. The son of an only parent who struggled with drug addiction, he was often without shelter or a meal. For a time, he frequently ate out of trash cans. But he and his parent did stay in connection, and they had a strong bond despite the hardships of their lives. Somewhere along the way, White was introduced to music, this transformed his life. He is now a professor at a university and a…
One of the Most Important Life Lessons Gifted to Me
Recently I was honored to be a speaker at a memorial service for a beloved and important community member who recently passed away. Several of us spoke about her impact on our lives. There were multiple heart-warming and powerful stories of her positive and profound impact on us. Here is my story. I attended Sunday School at the Congregational Church in my hometown. When I was about 10 or 11 in the late 1950’s, we had a guest speaker. She stood in front of the class and explained the customs and practices of her Jewish faith. I remember hearing about the major holidays, how they were celebrated and their meaning. She brought items to share with us. I imagine they were a Menorah, a dreidel, perhaps a shawl. My memory of these details is a bit fuzzy at this point! What I remember vividly is my interest, and the lovely…