Lessons in Character Traits
The other night I attended a ’show’. I put single parentheses around the word show to indicate that although the performance was billed as one, it was unique. A group of eight individuals told their stories about leaving their native countries and emigrating to the United States. There were recent immigrants and some who have lived in the US for several decades. The group included men and women from Africa. Asia, the Middle East, the Caribbean, and Central America. They told stories about their childhoods, their reasons for emigrating, the process of emigrating, arrival in the US, and their lives now. I found the experience moving. The audience heard about experiences that registered as hopeful, humorous, fearful, and tragic. And sometimes desperate or tedious. As they spoke, each participant became a more distinct and unique person who had experiences I could personally Identify with, as well as some that I…
Thoughts on the Start of a New Year and a New Decade
The book club I belong to recently read some of the poems of Wislawa Szymborska. I was not familiar with her work. If you are, I imagine you will agree with me that her poems are superb. They are clear, accessible, and wise, with not a hint pomposity. The most serious subjects are sometimes treated with lightness, even humor but always with clear-eyed awareness. If you are not familiar with her work, I recommend it to you. We also read her 1996 Nobel lecture on accepting the prize for literature in that year. Several of her points seem timeless to me and also appropriate for the start of a new year and a new decade. In her speech, she notes that inspiration belongs to people who do work or follow an avocation they have chosen and love. She claims that this enjoyment leads to the pleasure of using their imagination…
My Lesson in Honesty
I had an interesting confluence of events and experiences this week. First, a disclaimer, I’m not trying to blow my own horn or put myself on a pedestal. Here’s what happened, and then I will reflect. I was shopping for some last-minute items for the holidays. By the time I went through the checkout, I had quite a few items including two large boxes. When I got to my car and unloaded my cart, I discovered a chocolate bar in between the two boxes. I didn’t think that it had been scanned meaning I hadn’t paid for it. Standing in the parking lot, the easiest thing was to put the bar into a grocery bag and drive away. I actually did put the bar into the bag. At that moment I thought, “it’s just a chocolate bar, not much money, a couple dollars. it will hardly make a difference to…
Cultivating Self-Compassion
I am fortunate to be a part of a study group listening to and talking about podcasts by Dr. Brené Brown. Dr. Brown is a researcher, writer, and teacher whose focus is on letting go of shame and living authentically, being wholly yourself. One of her well-known books is “Daring Greatly“. In our most recent meeting, we reflected on freeing ourselves from perfectionism to cultivate self-compassion. According to Dr. Brown, perfectionism, not striving to do one’s best, (nothing wrong with that), but endeavoring to do, look, perform as perfectly as possible. And always judging whether you have been ‘perfect’ or not. Clothing and appearance perfectly put together, report or presentation polished, perfectly organized, and complete. Just thinking and writing about this makes me feel tired. Dr. Brown contends that the purpose underlying our striving to be perfect is to avoid any shame, blame or judgment from others, and ourselves. Put…
Finding My Way to Thankfulness
This week was a roller coaster ride for me. I experienced highs and lows. And I am fortunate, the lows were not about life-threatening events. I mean a string of garden variety disappointments. However, the lows opened up a new perspective for me. I wondered if I had been, in general, too optimistic, too trusting that good things evolve when you endeavor to work for good. Maybe the world is a lot darker and harsher than I had realized. Maybe I have been naïve. Maybe I do need to face ‘reality’, a more somber reality than I had imagined or believed to be true. It’s not much fun to go with this colder, harsher perspective. And this is Thanksgiving week. Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays. Being focused around a meal with family and friends, it’s hard to commercialize it. Interestingly, I do realize now that the origins of…
Reflecting on the so Human Act of Making Assumptions
The other day I was sitting with someone who asked me to help them sort out a painful situation. I knew something about the issues they were struggling with. Because of this, they hoped I could shed some light on the situation. After listening to their concerns and distress, I shared information and insights that changed their perspective. As we hashed out more of the facts and attending feelings, they said several times, enough times for me to notice, “I just assumed that (this person) was at fault,” or “I must not jump to a conclusion so quickly.” Later, I wondered about the very common act of assuming. I know that I have often made assumptions. And without realizing I have done so. I wondered how anyone can know they are doing this. And then, how can anyone dismantle an assumption? As I like to do, I looked up definitions…
What does it mean to be in community and how can we make it better?
Two separate concepts collided for me this week. At a COSA meeting (Circle of Support and Accountability for individuals returning to a community after incarceration) the participants, working with a circle process, reflected on the question, ‘what does community mean to you?’ First, what is the circle process? Indigenous peoples in North America have used this process for a millennium. Here is my experience of a circle process. Participants sit in a circle. After introducing themselves or checking in, a facilitator begins the process and introduces the issue or problem to be explored. A talking stick indicates who may speak. The stick travels in a clockwise direction around the circle as many times as the conversation develops or continues. Each person will have the same number of chances to speak on the issue. People speak when the stick comes to them, when they are done, they pass the stick on.…
Evolutionary thoughts
Yesterday, while working at home doing chores and walking in and out of range, I listened to portions of the radio program RadioLab, exploring new ideas. The program I heard investigated current ideas about evolution. I’m not a scientist, but when I was a student, I gained a rudimentary understanding of Darwin’s evolution theories. In a nutshell, the theory of Darwin that I learned is “change over time’ because of “heritable physical or behavioral traits.” And the essence of this theory is that “all life on Earth is connected and related to each other.” Also, diversity of life is a product” of changes through natural selection “where some traits were favored” in an environment over others. (https://www.livescience.com/474-controversy-evolution-works.html) The snatches of the program I heard got me thinking about several things along with new ideas about evolution. First, the program introduced to me some new concepts about evolution. Two stood out…
Understanding the Wisdom of Living Each Moment
I’m going out on a limb and reflecting on something different in this blog. Please bear with me. I attend a ‘bible’ study group weekly. It’s not your usual bible study. We are freewheeling in that we read and study all kinds of texts, religious and those not so religious. To give a sense of context, my two therapy dogs attend and keep us company. The topic I explore is not about a religious belief or dogma. We are reading “The Gospel of Thomas,” a text outside of the Christian Bible canon. I find it fascinating and challenging. It is made up of pithy texts or logions purportedly offered by Jesus to his disciples or given in response to his disciples’ questions. Each one is profound, sometimes troubling, and always challenging. They remind me of Zen koans, (a paradox to be meditated upon that is used to train Zen Buddhist…
Unpacking and Redefining ‘Self-Interest’
I want to change and expand the meaning of ‘self-interest.’ The definitions I found were in line with what I expected. From Miriam Webster, “a concern for one’s own advantage and well-being acted out of self–interest and fear.” (https://www.merriam-webster.com › dictionary › self-interest.) And from the Cambridge Dictionary, “consideration of advantages for yourself in making a decision, usually without worrying about its effect on others.” (https://dictionary.cambridge.org › dictionary › english › self-interest.) In essence, thinking and acting with only your own well-being in mind. What got me on this kick? Recently I heard about a municipality that voted that only those citizens with children would pay education taxes and fees in that town. I cannot verify that this is true. But it does illustrate a point I am making in this blog. In this case, granted, some community members’ taxes would go down. I appreciate that this occurrence is always welcome. But would the quality of education be sustained? Fewer citizens would…