When I was a child, about 10 or 11, I spent a weekend on Fire Island with my parents and a one of my friends. We were staying in a cottage owned by friends of my parents. It was great fun, except for one experience I still remember vividly.
Being right on the beach, we spent time swimming and recreating. Fire Island faces the Atlantic Ocean, so it gets some powerful waves. One of those waves picked me up and tumbled me. I panicked. I couldn’t tell what direction was up or down, toward shore or out to sea. The power of the water was terrifying.
I’m here, so obviously I was rescued. My father grabbed me and helped me get to shore. But I was shaken. From that time forward, I have had a healthy respect for the power of ocean waves.
I retell this story because the feeling that I am overwhelmed by powerful currents that could disorient me and crush me, like the Fire Island experience, happens when I feel overwhelmed by new challenges. Case in point, I currently have an exciting opportunity to take on a new professional engagement. It would build on professional expertise that I now have and require some new-to-me responsibilities. I vacillate between that feeling of overwhelm and terror (like I literally experienced as a kid at the ocean) and a feeling of excitement about this opportunity. I vacillate between the two.
So what to do? How do I stay on an even keel, in charge of my life choices, and able to discern what is best for me?
First, I must recognize what Is going on in my head! These intense feelings are old, and not directly connected to events in the present. Next, I need to name those old feelings. Fear mostly. And add some inadequacy, too.
And then I realize that underlying those feelings is the false belief that I am all alone in the situation, like I felt in that ocean wave. I am all alone and without anyone recognizing or offering support. Going through these steps is painful but rewarding.
Having gained this insight, I ‘come to my senses’ in the present moment. I’m an adult. I have a voice. I have resources. There is support available if I ask for it. I can break into bite-size pieces anything I need to learn. Phew! This feels so much better and more manageable.
For me, confronting old remnants of childhood fears is a process I experience from time to time. The alternative to going through wrestling with them is to avoid or flee from new challenges. Perhaps I will decide that I won’t take on this opportunity, or I will decide after a time that it does not suit my life. But I will do so having met my personal challenge and discerning what is best for me with my whole, mature self.