A friend loves the expression, “if you’re not living on the edge, you’re taking up too much space.” I think this means that life will be more full if you not only accept but embrace change to fully engage in all aspects of living. I like the expression, too, but something was missing for me.
I watched my mother work very hard to meet the expectations and high standards that she believed were required of her to be “scholarly”, something she always aspired to be. As a child this behavior confused me. I could sense that she was striving to meet some intangible, but very powerful imperative, but I couldn’t understand what those requirements were, why they were important or where they came from. Now I know that they existed inside my mother’s head.
Without realizing it I inherited my mother’s proclivity to meet my own invisible high standards. I could unknowingly impose those standards on a real situation. I believed that I had to be completely prepared, meet every requirement, or I was destined to fall short. This perception left little room for creativity and spontaneity but a lot of room for anxiety.
Recently I took several acting workshops. The instructor emphasized improvisation exercises. I found the exercises both challenging and inspirational. I had to pick up cues in the moment and act. No thinking, no reflection, and no room for those high standards.
Over time I realized that a lot of living falls into spontaneously acting in the instant to do the best I can. This calls for creativity and improvisation on the spot. My version of my friend’s expression was born: life on the edge is improv.