Movies, ballads, fairy tales, novels, I never tire of them. Stories. When someone tells me about an experience or an adventure they have had, I am transported into their experience. I see what is unfolding and feel the excitement, pain, or pleasure. The telling of stories is a deeply human trait. It seems looking back in time, that we have always told each other stories. Consider the early myths and tales of gods from ancient cultures that we know today, Zeus, Aphrodite, Odysseus, and Thor for example.
As a therapist, I know first hand about the power of stories. When someone can tell her life story to another without fear, without holding back, and knowing that she is accepted, healing begins. I have wondered why this is so. I sense that it is so obvious that we forget its power, like not seeing our own nose on our face except in reflection.
The power of stories seems to be twofold. Say I am telling you about my recent experience in the Everglades of Florida. I tell you about a boat ride, alligators, exotic birds, and manatees, what I thought and how I felt, what happened first, next, and so on. And you are listening, following my story.
What is happening? As I tell you, I recall my memories, images, thoughts, and feelings about the events. This reconstitutes the time and solidifies the meaning of the events for me. I also see the impact of my experience on you in your eyes, facial expressions, vocalizing, and body language. And as you follow along, you ‘see’ what I describe and you ‘feel’ some of what I am describing. My story may evoke personal memories and images for you. Neurologists explain that within our brain mirror neurons pick up on what another person is doing or feeling. According to BrainFacts.org. “Findings suggest that the mirror neuron system plays a key role in our ability to empathize and socialize with others.”
The results are that I feel within myself a consolidation of what I know, who I am, what my world means to me. I also feel a deeper bond with you because you now know something more about me. Chances are you also feel more of a connection with me because you know more about my story and you have ‘related’ to it through your own senses and experiences. We are closer now than we were before I told my story. The story has become a bridge for us, connecting us and strengthening our sense of each other. The simple but profound truth about the power and meaning of sharing our stories is that it is some of the glue that sustains relationships.