An email from a colleague who works in a social service agency explained why she had to postpone a meeting: because of the holidays it was getting crazy there. She had to spend a lot more time problem solving and managing difficulties so could we please postpone?
I have worked in similar situations and I understand what my colleague is experiencing. And I am blessed; I have wonderful memories of fun-filled, meaningful holiday gatherings. I reflected that it is sad that at this time of year when joy, celebration, family, and community are meant to be celebrated, it seems that there is also more misery and distress. However, the reason seems obvious. High expectations about time spent with family, gifts, and new beginnings are not all met causing stress. This leaves many feeling disappointment and disillusionment. For some memories of difficult past holidays can add to a sense of malaise.
Digging deeper I also thought about the liminality of these particular holidays. I looked up the definition of “liminal.” Merriam-webster.com listed several meanings. This one captured my thinking, “of, relating to, or being an intermediate state, phase, or condition: in-between, transitional.” There are several ways that I believe one experiences liminality during these holidays. Along with the religious meanings of some of our celebrations, our hemisphere is having its shortest days and the winter solstice, after which the days begin to lengthen though imperceptibly. The earth is itself traversing from one phase or state to another. For us this is a time when memories of the past are particularly vivid. The importance of observing traditions seems stronger than for other holidays. Consider the songs heard endlessly, the traditions of decorating a tree, hanging wreathes, and exchanging gifts. For many these activities are steeped in memories of holidays past. Yet, the present exacts its immediate demands. One can only live in the present time but the present cannot help but be a contrast with the past.
Also, the world is at the threshold of a new year. People reflect on the year that is almost over, world events, best and worst movies, the ten best books, and the person of the year, for example. People make resolutions and turn to the new calendar. There is a sense that the slate will be wiped clean and one can begin something new. One has to remember to write different numerals for the new date. Instead of practicing traditions, people look to the future. What will be new and different?
No wonder it is a stressful time: honor the past, celebrate in the present, and look to the future all in the span of several weeks. Phew! I suggest that being mindful of this liminal time may help one to keep an even keel traversing past traditions, present events, and future possibilities. Here are some suggestions for managing all of this
- Honor traditions but adapt to the present moment
- Live joyfully now, allow events to evolve in the present
- The future is never here, there is only living now, with joy.