Mark Twain captured the concept perfectly and humorously. He noted that when he was a young man he “knew” his father was ignorant and just a few years later he realized how much his father had learned in that brief period of time!
I remember when I realized that I was shy and insecure. I must have been in junior high school. Before my epiphany I just was who I was. I knew what the world was like and how it would “always” be. It was a static unchanging place that was scary and impersonal. Like Mark Twain, life events and a degree of maturation opened my eyes and ears. I caught glimpses of my negative reactions, especially when others did not have the same reaction. For example, when I was young I was mortified that my very curly hair got frizzy. I felt like I looked like a clown with bunches of bushy, orange hair. I spent a lot of time trying to tame or hide my unruly hair. I felt that it looked uncool to say the least. Then I met someone who “hated” having “flat” straight hair and wished they had “full-bodied” curly hair like mine. Faced with the same situation each of us felt completely differently.
Then something unforeseen and magical happened. I had some distance from my usual perceptions and beliefs. I “saw” myself through another’s eyes and my world grew larger. It didn’t fit into my old framework anymore. After this, I had a new tool, seeing events, experiences and feelings from a larger perspective. I began to see differences and nuances in my behavior, actions, and reactions I never noticed before. And then there was more magic. Not only did I have more perspective on my own feelings and actions and notice differences with others, I could also put myself into another’s shoes and consider how they felt about something.
Mark Twain’s reaction when he realized his father’s fund of wisdom is actually based in Twain’s personal growth, and my recognition of other’s different perceptions was based on my developing maturity. These are examples of a phenomenon that can continue for a lifetime; a lifetime of expanding self-understanding and acceptance that leads to an expanding understanding of and compassion for others.