It’s a truism in the therapy realm that underlying the feeling of anger is fear. For a while now, I sense in myself and in others a deep sense of unease, even anxiety or outright fear. Most of the time I keep this feeling at bay or manage it. But it always seems to be lurking under the surface. And there are many examples of angry outbursts, too. This makes sense considering the amount of stressful change in the past two-plus years. COVID, multiple personal losses, climate change effects, a war between Ukraine and Russia, more than enough to cause emotional reactions.
My concern is that fear often leads to acts of anger. First, what is fear? According to Karl Albrecht Ph.D. in an article at the Psychology Today website, there are five fears that underlie all the myriad fears we experience as humans. They are extinction, mutilation, loss of autonomy, separation, and ego death. Good reasons to feel afraid! Biologically, the experience of this emotion makes sense for our survival. It also makes sense that we react when we feel afraid, again for self-preservation.
Anger then spurs the urge to act, to fix or control the situation causing fear. Some theorize that anger and fear are similar because the patterns of the neural firing of anger and fear are physiologically similar. It’s an easy jump from one seemingly separate emotion to the other (found at an article on the Psychology Today website.) Another article I found describes anger as an iceberg. The expression of anger shows above the surface, but the major emotions causing it lurk beneath (Gottman.com.)
Our work is to recognize that a feeling of anger is the result of other underlying feelings of fear and anxiety, etc. Those are the feelings that need to be attended. When we feel angry, stop, ask, what is this truly about? How can we address the underlying feelings in a constructive way?
Alone, we can’t fix COVID, climate change, or end the war in Europe. And personal losses can also seem overwhelming. We can understand ourselves and live our lives in ways that support containing the big issues like COVID, reducing climate change, helping the victims of the war. We can come together as communities to help each other with personal losses. Lastly, acts of kindness and spending time in the natural world make our world and the world around us a better place to be.
