Two separate concepts collided for me this week. At a COSA meeting (Circle of Support and Accountability for individuals returning to a community after incarceration) the participants, working with a circle process, reflected on the question, ‘what does community mean to you?’
First, what is the circle process? Indigenous peoples in North America have used this process for a millennium. Here is my experience of a circle process. Participants sit in a circle. After introducing themselves or checking in, a facilitator begins the process and introduces the issue or problem to be explored. A talking stick indicates who may speak. The stick travels in a clockwise direction around the circle as many times as the conversation develops or continues. Each person will have the same number of chances to speak on the issue. People speak when the stick comes to them, when they are done, they pass the stick on. Or they can also choose to simply pass the stick. While one person is talking, the other participants listen. When the conversation is ‘complete,’ the facilitator ends the circle. For more information on the circle process visit livingjusticepress.org.
I find the process almost magical in how profound a conversation can be. After several go-arounds, I am always surprised and impressed with the insights and richness that evolves no matter the original topic.
Back to the conversation on the meaning of community. At first, we talked about how one feels comfortable, safe, and accepted when in community. As we talked and reflected further, people added ideas about how many different kinds of community can exist for someone simultaneously, the qualities that create a sense of community, how each person has their own unique set of communities, and what it feels like to not be in community. The most profound observation was that to be in community, you have to ‘do’ community, in other words, being in community is a two-way street. You have to engage in order to create.
The other concept that came up was the importance of kindness, justice, and humbleness. I heard these three words at a church service defining what qualities are expected of us in engaging the world. What struck me was that these are also the qualities that one needs to bring to the creation of community, the ‘doing’ of community. Kindness, not just the sugary stuff, although that is wonderful and also needed. I mean the kindness that includes setting boundaries. Saying ‘no’ can be kind in the long run. It teaches that everyone matters. By justice I mean equality, we all have the same value and deserve the same consideration in any community. And humbleness, no one has all the answers or the experiences to fully understand any issue. If everyone practiced these qualities, what would our social discourse be like?
Coming full circle, pardon the pun, a great place to practice these qualities would be to engage fully in a circle process. Kindness is evident is being patient and open to the process and listening to others, justice is evident in equality of the circle shape and everyone having the same opportunities to speak, and humbleness, like kindness, is evident in truly listening and also being open and willing to learn from the input of others.