After the devastating assault on our capitol, how does this country heal? I have heard from pundits several times, that on January 6th, we stared into the abyss and now know how horrific the future could have been for our republic. How do we move from where we are now, still too polarized, to at least some degree of unity?
Simply punishing those convicted of a crime would probably not help to mend our society. Restorative justice programs offer insights. The first step is a willingness to face the fact that crimes were committed, and mistakes were made. Unfortunately, some are saying that there will be more polarization and rancor if there are attempts to bring individuals deemed responsible to accountability and face consequences for their actions.
Actually, the opposite is true. Imagine that your home was burgled. Would it be okay if the perpetrator(s) received no consequences for their actions? Because it might be disruptive to the community if they were charged? I’m quite sure that this would not be acceptable to any homeowner. This simple illustration exposes the faulty thinking that more polarization would occur if those responsible are not brought to justice. Or is it that some don’t want to go through the difficult, unpopular step of acknowledgment?
Nevertheless, that is the first step. Let’s say that there is a willingness to face up to a mistake or crime. In restorative justice practice the next step is the inclusion of all parties who have been affected by the crime. This group gathers. The perpetrator hears from those affected and acknowledges the results of their criminal acts. A sincere apology needs to follow. Legal consequences may be a part of the equation, too.
The restoration of relationships in Rwanda after the genocide against the Tutsis offers another model for working through horrific acts against individuals and society. An article from the International Journal of Development and Sustainability, Volume 2, Number 2 (2013) noted these necessary steps,
- Education on how to take responsibility, do truth-telling, and repair broken relationships
- Assumption by perpetrators of responsibility for their actions
- Name the harm done
- Apologize or confess – tell the truth about what was done, acknowledge responsibility, and express regret
- Accept the apology – takes time, is a process and happens only if the victim trusts the sincerity of the perpetrator’s apology
- Work together on a common goal
Going a step further, I found these simple, but difficult steps of a real apology at ideapod.com
- Freely admitting faults
- Fully accepting responsibility
- Humbly asking for forgiveness
- Immediately changing behavior
- Actively rebuilding trust
And finally, thanks to pinterest.com, to rebuild trust, take the time, communicate honestly, and be completely honest. Above all, it takes time, however long that means.
Are we up to this?