Every time I listen to the news there is reference to how polarized our country has become. And I admit, I am in one of those polarized camps. For this blog, the camp I am in is not the point, how to reach across the divide is. As more time goes by, I feel that this fractured state is becoming more dangerous for our government and society.
Taking myself as a guinea pig, how could someone change my mind? I will pick a more neutral topic as an example. Let’s say I believe that the world is flat. In researching the topic of how to change someone’s beliefs, I learned from Ozan Varol, (https://www.nbcnews.com/better/health/why-hard-facts-aren-t-enough-alter-our-beliefs-ncna803946) that telling me facts to change my mind won’t cut it, you need to know more about my motives, hopes, and fears, and my past beliefs. Well, let’s say that my beloved grandparents who raised me taught me about the ‘obvious’ reality of a flat world. I don’t want to contradict my grandparents just because of your facts! Varol suggests that you explain your information with my beliefs and motives in mind. Of course, this means that you have to learn more about me, and why I believe what I do.
This example brings up another phenomenon about how our brains work, conformation bias. Once beliefs or opinions are formed, we tend to want to hold on to them because our social group holds the same beliefs. For me, this means my grandparents. I don’t want to separate myself from them. Scientists believe that this trait evolved to help us stick with our own culture group with the least amount of friction. It was a matter of safety. The trait has both a positive side as well as a problematic one.
What to do? You, in hoping to change my mind, are couching your reasons for me to change my mind about the flatness of the earth with awareness of my own perspectives. But there are more steps you can consider. According to Elizabeth Kolbert (https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2017/02/27/why-facts-dont-change-our-minds) it can help me when you give me a way to ‘trick my mind.’ By this she means that, for example, you give me an out. In this case, it could be that ‘of course I believed that the world was flat because I didn’t have any other information and neither did my grandparents.’ No shame and no blame.
As well, Elizabeth Kolbert also suggests that we remind ourselves that
- our beliefs are not the same as our identity
- we exercise our empathy muscle
- we use logic to delve into the implications of any policy
All this is fine. But another point, in this blog I chose to illustrate the issue with a softball example. Now add intense emotions of anger, fear, or pride on one or both sides of a divide. The stakes are higher, and the path is more difficult. I think that two actions are most important. They are Kolbert’s suggestion to use empathy, and to listen to the other’s stories. This could lead to both of us changing our minds, even a little bit. At the least, we might understand each other better. I think that I misnamed this blog. Instead of “why is it so hard to change someone’s mind?” it should be “how do we hear each other?” Above all, we need to be willing to learn more about someone else’s experiences and what has shaped their values. We need to listen with an open mind to each other’s stories.