For me, the past two weeks were a challenge. Without going into details, a confluence of events, all created or compounded by COVID piled up. By the end of last week, I felt the weight of much sadness, loss, and a sense of dislocation. And I know that I have not had the toughest of times. Many have experienced more profound losses and disruptions. The events I experienced opened me to resonating more than before with the depth of change and destruction happening in our world.
When I heard the term “lifequake,” I stopped. That word captured what I have sensed that many are feeling. I was listening to a radio program and an interview with Bruce Feiler. He discussed his just published book, “Life Is in the Transitions.” I looked up the book, which I have not yet read, and discovered that the term that caught my ear is not new. Several other authors have used the term to describe the effect of major life changes.
When Feiler writes about ‘lifequakes’ he focuses on how to survive and then thrive in spite of and because of what he defines as “massive life changes.” These massive life changes could be the birth of a child, losing a job, having cancer, going bankrupt, moving, getting married, or going through a pandemic. They rock our world profoundly. These events may be transitions we choose, or events thrust upon us. According to Feiler, we will each have three or four of these quakes during our lifetime. After the initial event we will experience “aftershocks” for years.
This leads to the crux of the matter. We each have a choice; how will we handle the period of aftershocks when life feels in such disarray and there is much loss and change? We could be miserable victims, focused on losses, and struggling to get back to a semblance of what normal used to be. Or, according to Feiler, this period of time can be an opportunity to reflect and make changes in how we live our lives going forward. What have we learned? What are our values? How will we live them? What meaning in our lives now is clearly visible?
Going deeper, this crucial choice, whether to be a victim or choose to grow, will determine someone’s future. If you tend toward victimhood, perhaps some counseling or life coaching is in order. And if you choose to embrace the work of self-examination and change, the first steps are moving through the grief process. That means passing through denial, acknowledging anger, sadness and then acceptance of change. This will allow an opening-up to meaning-making with resilience. The journey is the thing!
(Today is July 20th. That means that this will be my last blog until September 7th. I hope that everyone is safe and healthy in the meantime. See you in September.)